6 of the 7 times I’ve posted hockey shots dedicated to a team that team has lost. Today I’m dedicating these shots to the Lock Out in hopes that the Lock Out ends.

 

This first shot goes out to the one and only Commissioner Gary Bettman. Since his reign began in 1993 the NHL has experienced three lock outs. In those 18 years Bettman has become a scapegoat for all problems ranging from lock outs to global warming. He’s even been given some rather spectacular nicknames such as “The Count”. So Count Bettman this shot is for you. Drink up and negotiate.

The Count Bettman

1-part Black Velvet Whiskey
1- part Grape Soda
1 part Cherry Vodka

In the counts voice ” 1, 2, 3. THREE!! THREE LOCK OUTS ah ah ah” then shoot!

 

Don’t you just love it when someone tells you they are going to do one thing and they end up doing the opposite? Ya, me neither. Which is why I’m a little salty with the New York Rangers. They stood in front of everyone and said they were united. That they were not going to flee to another country. What fools we were to believe they wouldn’t leave us behind. After the lock out was announced many of the New York Rangers packed up and left us behind. This shot is dedicated to the team who left us behind.

 

Flight of the Rangers

1 part Cruzan Black Strap Rum
1 part Cruzan Vanilla Rum
1 part Cruzan Black Cherry Rum
1 park Coke

* Before taking this shot tell everyone at the bar you’ll be there all night. Take the shot, throw your money on the bar, and run out before anyone can stop you.*

 

Without Paul Bissonnette my days on twitter would be few and far between. The man sure knows how to start a riot. Be forewarned Biznasty haters. If you tweet Biznasty something rude he will retweet it and his twitter minions will get all up in your twitter grill. Without further ado the shot dedicated to the panty soup legend himself.

 

Risky Bizness

 1 part Absinthe
1 part orange juice
1 part maple syrup
1 part egg white

*After shooting say something that will get everyone riled up. Repeat the responses. *

 

You know what’s worse than someone doing the exact opposite of what they said they were going to do? Someone leaving in the middle of the night before you have a chance to say goodbye. Before you have a chance to fix things. That my friends is what Evengi Malkin did. The day before the lock out Malkin signed with a KHL team. I understand why he left but understanding doesn’t make it hurt less. The least you could do is drink the shot I’ve made for you.

Malkin Early

2 parts Stoli Salted Karamel
1 part Baileys
carmel and chocolate sauce on top

*Tell everyone to count to three. When you hit number two shoot before everyone else*

 

 

While many signed with European leagues and decided to play in the minors there was one man who decided to go a different route. Captain of Team USA and Columbus Blue Jackets Defenseman, Jack Johnson, went back to the University of Michigan to finish school. While many were moaning about how hockey is the only life they know Jack Johnson was making sure he had other options. A lot of players could learn from Jack. If you have the time and money finish up school so you have options in situations like these. Cheers to you Captain America. Study Hard, Play Hard, Party Hard.

 

Captain America Goes to School

1 Part Cherry Vodka
1 Part Blue Berry Vodka
1 part Vanilla Vodka

Drop in a glass of Red Bull

 

 

Here’s to an end to the lock out. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

 

 

 

The curse of Hockey Shots lives on. The Kings have yet to win since I started posting shots dedicated to the team. With the way the 2011-2012 playoffs have gone isn’t it only fitting for this series to go to game 7? Game 6 is tonight and I’m hoping for a game 7. I’m not ready for hockey season to end and I’m definitely not ready for the Kings to hoist. So drink up Los Angeles. These shots are for you!

 

This first shot is for el capitan, Dustin Brown. Right now a lot of people are calling Brown “Captain America”. Here are my thoughts on that craziness. A) Zach Parise (Devils’ Captain) is American. Why can’t you both be Captain America? There can only be one and his name is Jack MF Johnson. Why? He was captain of Team USA. The NHL is not solely American, it is also Canadian. B) The words “Captain” and “America” do not pop into my head when I look at Dustin Brown. In fact, when I look at him I usually go “Aww Brownie”. Then I pretend to pinch his cheeks.

 

CAPTAIN BROWNIE

1 part Captain Morgan
1 part Kahlua
2 parts Godiva Liquor Chocolate
whipped topping

*Please make sure the shot ends up in your mouth. Alcohol Abuse is unacceptable.*

 

 

Since I’ve dedicated two shots to Malibu Ken I thought I should go ahead and dedicate one to his counterpart. I know a lot of random facts about players through out the NHL. I know their favorite movies, how bad they are at singing, and the fact that Celine Dion is on most of  their I-Pods. Yet, I know barely anything about Richards. Which made it really hard to come up with a shot to dedicate to this man. Here is a short list of things I know about Mike Richards.

1) He has nice hair.
2) If someone asked me to define the words “Captain”, 9 out of 10 times, I would just say”Mike Richards”.
3) Jeff Carter and Mike Richards have the most epic bromance in the history of bromances.
4) He’s read all the Twilight books.
5) He’s taken a few ladies on mini golf dates.
6) Mike Richards backyard is a beach.
7) Whether you like it or not he will score on you all night long. (This is not a dirty fact. This is a hockey fact.)

Taking all of that into account I’ve decided to make one of my favorite drinks, Sex on the beach, into a shot with a twist.

 

SPARKLY RICHIE

2 parts Champagne
1 part Strawberry Schnapps
1 part Peach Schnapps
splash of Orange Juice

 

 

Here’s to a game 7!

 

 

This season the Kings have yet to lose on the road during the playoffs. This season whatever team I dedicate Hockey Shots to loses. Today I test the curse. Is the Hockey Shots curse strong enough to keep the Kings from breaking the record for most playoff road wings? We will find out.

 

This first shot is dedicated to Anze Kopitar or as I like to call him Kopitarus Rex. My thought process when Kopitar scores is as follows: Kopitar -> Reptar -> Rawr -> Imma Dinosaur Om Nom Nom. Most people yell “woo” or “yay” when someone scores. I, on the other hand, yell “RAWRRR” when Kopitar snipes one in the net. Kopitar is one of those players the oopposing team tends to forget about. They’ll apply the pressure for a little and then focus on someone else. Bad move. The moment you take 100% of your focus away from Kopitar a break away happens. Let me put this in better terms for you. KOPITAR WILL BREAK AWAY AND DESTROY YOUR VILLAGE. He will lay out nice hits, he will score, and he will set up goals. Kopitar will do all of that with an amount of energy most moms wish they had after a long day with the kids. All in all he is a joy to watch on the ice, unless you’re the Devils.

 

KOPITARUS REX

1 part Pearl Plum Vodka
1 part Red Bull
1 part Grape Crush

drop into a glass of Woodchuck Cider dyed Green
shoot and yell “RAWR”

 

 

This next shot is dedicated to Jeff Carter’s beard. The man may have frosted tips but Carter definitely has a ginger beard. You have to give it to the man he knows how to grow a beard. How does one grow a beard of that caliber so fast? Do Canadians have magic beard growing powers? Did Carter’s body adjust to cold winters in Philly by growing a beard quickly to keep his face warm? When Carter shaves does he lose the ability to score hat-tricks? Does Carter frost his tips because he’s afraid to admit he is part ginger? These are the questions that keep me up at night. All I know is I no longer have to wonder what Malibu Ken would look like with a beard.

 

GINGER BEARD MAN

1 part Goldschlager
1 part Pinnacle Atomic Hots
1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
1 part Kahlua

 

 

 

Here’s to the Stanley Cup!

 

 

 

I took a little hiatus from Hockey Shots because I was starting to look like an alcoholic. Now I’m back. Why you ask. Every time I posted Hockey Shots during the beginning of the play-offs that team lost. I do not want the Kings to win the Stanley Cup. I don’t have anything against the Kings. I don’t hate them. I just can not bear the thought of another team trading away Jack Johnson and then winning the cup. I’m not saying the Kings don’t deserve a Stanley Cup. I’m saying I like Jack Johnson better. So I bring you La Kings Hockey Shots in hopes that they lose tonight.

 

This first shot is dedicated to Jonathan Quick. When I hear the name Jonathan Quick my mind immediately pictures the Nestle’s Quick rabbit dressed as a ninja wearing a goalie mask. You may think I’m an odd-ball for having such a fantastical imagination but go with me on this. Quick is quick like a bunny and sneaky like a ninja. His skills are out of this world. I normally don’t say that a man makes a team but without Quick in the playoffs I don’t think the Kings would have made it this far. He is fast and agile. Truly one of the best goalies in the league.

 

NINJA QUICK

1 part Nestles Quick
1 part Baileys
1 part Amaretto
a dash of cinnamon

 

 

The second shot is dedicated to the one and only Dustin “Pancake” Penner. Before I get started I would like to stick tap who ever made this lovely photoshop. It is quite beautiful. If you made this let me know. Did you ever know that you’re my hero? Ok back to Penner. He may be the only man I know who sat down to eat a stack of delicious pancakes and then tweaked his back. The real question here is “Can I have the recipe for those delicious pancakes?”

 

Penner Cakes
1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
1 part Pinnacle Cake
1 park Pinnacle Chocolate Whipped

 

 

The final shot goes out to one of my hockey crushes, Jeff Freaking Carter. I know there are a lot of bitter Columbus fans out there but I just can not bring myself to hate this man. Jeff Carter doesn’t always score but when he does it’s a Game Winner or a Hat-trick. Forgive me if I find that quality highly attractive. Plus, he looks like the love child of Zack Morris and Malibu Ken. Carter even has abs like Malibu Ken. You know the kind that look fake but aren’t. Defined just enough to make you say “wow I am shallow”. I’m ok with that because I will never meet Jeff Carter. Believe me that is a good thing for the world. Everyone is allowed their celebrity crush mine just happens to have frosted tips and hat-tricks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Which one is the real Jeff Carter? Bet you can’t figure it out.

 

CARTS FROSTY TIPS

1 part ICE 101
1 part Malibu Coconut Rum
1 part Raspberry Grenadier

 

 

Here’s to the LA Kings losing tonight.

 

I’ve noticed during this lovely playoff season that every team I post shots for loses later on in the evening. In case you were wondering my top two teams in the NHL are the Columbus Blue Jackets and the Chicago Blackhawks. Thus, I bring to you Yotes Shots. Drink up Phoenix. This may be the last time your team steps foot in Jobing.com arena.

 

Phoenix Coyotes Shots

 

PANTY SOUP

1 part Tequila
1 part Mello Yello
1 part Grenadine
SHOOT and watch the ladies melt.

 

 

GILBERT GRAPE BRULE

1 part Grape Soda
1 part Pinnacle Grape Vodka
1 part Pinnacle Cotton Candy Vodka
1 part Grand Marnier
LIGHT ON FIRE AND SHOOT
* I know you’re excited about this shot but please blow the fire out before moving the shot glass anywhere near your face.

 


Rusty Torres

1 part Dr. Pepper
1 part Jim Beam
1 part Pinnacle Atomic Hots


Vermeaty

1 part Sweet Vermouth
1 part Distilled Gin
1 part Pinnacle Pomegranate


 

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