• Anaheim Ducks – If Ryan Getzlaf got his head out of his ass and had played like a franchise player like he is supposed to be the Ducks wouldn’t have been cellar dwellers for most of the season. You sucked this year, completely sucked worse than suck can suck.
  • Boston Bruins – Tim Thomas needs to keep his YAP shut and play hockey. Dude brings all this supposed “not wanted media hype” on him all on his own. Re: Political BS. Timmeh is a media junkie putting up a false front.
  • Buffalo Sabres – Buffalo had all this talent on the team and Lindy Ruff couldn’t get them into the playoffs. May I ask why fans are raving for him to coach their lesser skilled team? Da FuQ?
  • Calgary Flames – Each year they don’t trade Iginla or Kiprusoff they push their team back another year on making the playoffs. Fire Ken King. Fire Jay Feaster. Fire Brent Sutter.
  • Carolina Hurricanes – Carolina is a cluster of high end talent and pure garbage. Make a decision and go a certain route, rebuild or spend some money. See above team for a good example.
  • Chicago Blackhawks – Two seasons in a row you have dipped into the “on the verge of retiring” free agents. Get your head out of your asses and either sign some real players or let some youngsters play.
  • Colorado Avalanche – On a positive note, the team seems like it is en route to a good future. Wait a minute; people have been saying that for years now and it seems your rebuild is digressing? Sup with that?
  • Columbus Blue Jackets – Scott Howson ß– LMAOOOOOO. As long as he is there the Jackets will be garbage. If I were a CBJ fan I would be disgusted with what he’s done. Overpays Wisniewski, trading for Carter in a deal that keeps him until he becomes a grandpa, and people wonder why Rick Nash wants out. Actually, no we don’t. Fire Howson.
  • Dallas Stars – Your best defenseman is Stephane Robidas. Really? You may want to address that to coincide with your pretty good forwards.
  • Detroit Redwings – Your defense is slow, when Nikky Lids retires it will be even slower. You may spend eight million signing Ryan Suter, but I’m telling you now, he won’t be as good as he is today playing alongside Shea Weber. Trying to think of another top end D-man you have on the roster for Suter to play with but I can’t think of one.
  • Edmonton Oilers - I would be confident in betting that if a guy like Tortorella was coaching the Oilers rather than Renney, the Oilers would have won 10 more games this season. Tambellini, save your job and fire Renney.
  • Florida Panthers – Tallon, you’re a fun GM and there is no doubt about that. You would spend a billion a year if you could. A tip for you though, signing your old boys like Skille and overpaying Kopecky is a tad ridiculous, quit trying to prove you were a genius by landing these guys in Chicago and bringing them to sunny Florida.
  • Los Angeles Kings – Dean Lombardi is an asshat and his quick exit from the playoffs this season will prove it. Sure you had great defence numbers this season but that was because of Jonathan Quick standing on his head each and every game. You can’t score; you have hardly any offense coming from the back end, your so-called superstar Doughty basically sucks and is it me or Drew fat? Could be just a chubby face but that double chin is just wrong on a professional athlete, unless you’re in baseball. Fire Lombardi.
  • Minnesota Wild – Yeo sucks.
  • Montreal Canadiens – Gauthier is right up there with the worst General Managers In hockey with Feaster and Howson. He has run this storied franchise into the ground and thankfully the owners finally stepped up and canned his sorry ass. Pierre McGuire would be an upgrade over Gauthier. That tells you something.
  • Nashville Predators – It’s tough to rip on this franchise because they’re going all out this season to win a cup because it’s inevitable they will be losing one of their “big three” superstars (Suter). So let’s see what I can attack here…OH, you cheated bringing back Radulov you cheating pansies!
  • New Jersey Devils – I’m proud of you for not being a trapping team anymore. It really got you nowhere but a good regular season record. Also, I would love to know your future goaltending plans…
  • New York Islanders – You have so much talent on that team but you still suck? Maybe a coaching change? Come on Wang; don’t let Garth run your team.
  • New York Rangers – I’m glad someone talked that loon Sather out of trading for Rick Nash.
  • Ottawa Senators – It only took Bryan Murray five years to do something right with this franchise, congrats. At least he spells “Bryan” the correct way.
  • Philadelphia Flyers – You’re forever screwed with the salary cap. Oh, and thanks for Patrick Sharp. ( No, I won’t ever forget or let it go)
  • Phoenix Coyotes – Support your damn team you cheap sons of bitches. You have some quality players on that team playing hard every game. Sick of seeing your ten person rally each year to keep your team in the league. I’m sure the Yotes will be thankful for you bandwagon jumping idiots to show up in the playoffs.
  • Pittsburgh Penguins – You guys are one of the most arrogant organizations in the league and you have two whining stars!
  • St. Louis Blues – Nice to see ya. Where have you been for the last 44 years or so?
  • San Jose Sharks – Since when is teal blue the color of a Shark? Terrible jerseys. Oh, and when you make a quick exit in the playoffs this year you should do the following…Fire Doug Wilson. Fire Todd McLellan.
  • Tampa Bay Lightning – You gambled on Roloson, it failed. You gambled on Garon, it failed. You gambled on drafting Hedman, it failed. You’re getting old fast as well; better do something Stevie Y. 8th best team last season to the 21st best team this season. Inexcusable.
  • Toronto Maple Leafs – Burke or bust. They actually mean the same thing.
  • Vancouver Canucks – Your team dives, they whine and they complain about conspiracies. Don’t try to cover it up as fans, its true; support your team the right way. If my team did the same, I’d admit it, but I’d still support them 100% just like you should.
  • Washington Capitals – Why change your team game if giving Ovechkin 30 minutes a game has put you on top of the league pretty much since the 2009-2009 season? Make some better roster acquisitions you donkeys. Oh, how did the Varlamov deal work out for ya? Fire George McPhee.
  • Winnipeg Jets – Your head coach is a nerd.


Hope you enjoyed J


  • Anonymous

    Bahahaha, this is hilarious! I agree with so many of the observations! Well done!! :)

  • Anonymous

    Haha thank you Ally :)

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